It’s great to come across as gay when you’re into dudes, but if you’re straight that doesn’t help so much. David can’t seem to land a woman, but guys are no problem.
David asks,
I’m a Rihanna and Lady GaGa super fan. My half of my room (I’m in college, so it’s a dorm) has posters and shit everywhere. I go to a liberal school and there are lots of gay kids. I don’t have a problem with gay kids. If I did, I wouldn’t like the music I like. It’s not the only music I like, but it takes up a lot of my life. The problem is I get a lot of attention from gay guys and no attention from the ladies. None of my friends are straight, except for one girl who is not my type and would be my fag hag if I was a gay. I might as well be one at this point, but I don’t want to suck dick. I want to eat and fuck pussy, but I can’t get any. I don’t know how to get any. I’ve let guys suck me off a few times when drunk because it’s college and I’m sexually frustrated, but I can’t get into it. I just feel like a fucktwat. How can I get the ladies to like me?
Dear David,
You don’t specify any preferences for certain types of ladies or anything like that, so we’ll have to presume you consider all edible, fuckable pussy equal. First, hats off to you for equal treatment of all the edible, fuckable pussy. You are a noble, imperceptibly heterosexual man. But your solution is pretty simple: go fuck another fag hag!
Fruit flies, fag hags, or whatever two-f’d name is riding the zeitgeist nowadays, fall in love with their gay friends frequently. Second only to softcore porn sex standards, unrequited fag hag love is the biggest gay movie trope you’ll ever find. You may not like your would-be fag hag, but they come in all shapes and sizes and have one thing in common: they want to get with their gay best friend.
What if all these women could have the gay man of their dreams and fuck him, too? Well, David, you can make their dreams come true while enjoying a varied buffet of the edible, fuckable pussy you so desire. You are the straight gay man they lust for. Just imagine: you could fall in love and become this lovely couple some day.
a couple hugging at Christmas time
To summarize: know your audience. If you go after women who probably aren’t into your type, you’re bound to meet more rejection than success. You can often tell by the male company they keep or what their ex-boyfriends were like. But you also might not always have access to that information and, if you really like a specific woman, you should risk rejection rather than throw away the possibility outright.
That said, it can’t hurt to improve your odds. You likely get along with stereotypical gay men quite well, so hang with a few gay groups and you’re bound to meet a few fruit flies. That should help improve your average. Good luck!
– Adam